Another hectic weekend - John came up on his R6 from Salem on Friday evening, and we mount fresh Diablo's.  On Saturday, it's the 2003 edition of Rice Day!  On Sunday, we escort John back towards Oregon by escorting him through the Mt. St. Helens loop!  The focus here though, is Rice Day, 2003 Edition...

The turn out this year is stellar.  There are five entries, three of which surely breathed heavy on the $20 maximum expense rule.  There was serious discussion of DQing as some of these entries surely had thousands invested in the trick parts and goodies.  The minor entries are my R1, sporting an advanced wing with special color coordinated stabilizers.  The added stabilization allows me to achieve 60 degree lean angles at 180 mph while drinking a latte.  The patent is pending...  Lacking the remaining $19.50 budget to do anything else, I rested on a single laurel...

Andy shows up on his VFR with a retro bi-wing design, based on lost notes acquired from distant relatives of the Wright Brothers.  Originally destined for the Kitty Hawk, the design was abandoned due to the lack of necessary metallurgy expertise of the time.  Moving forward one hundred years, the required metal strapping is available at Home Depot, making this design destined for rice-dom.  Unfortunately, the design was only good for the original meager horsepower of the Kitty Hawk.  It was easily overwhelmed by the 345 ponies this VFR put out, and failed while heading to Maria's for a burrito...  Andy escaped injury.

The serious competition consisted of John and his Oregon based R6, Alan and his YZF, and a surprisingly strong entry from Raber and his naked SV.  Brook wanted to compete, but transmission gremlins kept his GSXR parked, but he still showed up for all-important judging duties.  Neal, and last year's winner, Nate also show up for the judging, but hearing of the increased competition, they both weasel with stock machines, and decide to take the back seat.  When you're the pit-bitch at Rice Day, you buy the coffee...

This year John wanted it, he wanted it bad.  Locked and guarded was his backpack when he arrived Friday evening - there's no underwear in there!  I find out why on Saturday as we start shelling the rice.  First, the NOS goes on, then the required wing, only this one uses a special delta design, providing stability at 300+ mph.  I tremble.  Then detail tidbits are displayed - a purple velour seat cover, color matched striping on his wheels, and added instrument clusters.  I'm in awe, I figured this technology was only available on another planet.  I would later find out John really is an alien, sent to Earth to humble us with their superior rice technology only available from wherever it is he came from.  I lend him my duct tape to reinforce his wing...

We are joined at Rice Central (Finn Hill Java) by Alan and Raber.  Frightened by the sudden influx of sport bikes, all of the other Finn Hill patrons leave, giving us free reign over the parking lot.  We all buy extra lattes to help their business, we weren't talking enough smack anyway.  Raber has designed a high-ratio wing for his SV.  This special design is tuned for air currents while traveling at 84.2 mph - the sweet spot for SVs.  Due to the large diameter of the SV bores, he opts for an NOS array in order to achieve the 425 rear wheel horsepower that is produced.  Since this causes the bore and piston walls to become fluid, the engine becomes frictionless.  He installs a New Speedy tachometer to keep track of the 100,000 rpm his new mill can turn.  A high capacity fire extinguisher is installed in case something goes awry.  I comment the extinguisher must have been $30 by itself...  Still this entry was some serious bling, or is that bling-bling - ah, whatever.

Alan was clearly the sleeper in the group.  But close inspection reveals too many bits to catalog them all.  First there were the custom projector headlights, protected by the black duct tape.  Then there was the requisite NOS injection configured in the "twin bottle" alignment, and a mid-ratio wing.  Clearly, this wing was pretty much cosmetic.  But there was more!  There were over eighteen decals, many of them authentic Japanese characters.  The fairing was enhanced by a sophisticated ground effects package, we later found to be tuned to the wing - a synergy of airflow management.  I eat my earlier words concerning the fakeness of the wing.  The coupe de gras however was the custom exhaust.  Surpassing the fart-can look, this exhaust sounded like an actual fart!  Close inspection revealed attention to detail only found in supermarket bagging areas.  The exhaust orifice had a surgically implanted sphincter, providing enough back-pressure to resonate a church hall.  There are no words...

Three approaches, but only one could take the prize.  Much deliberation weighed the velour seat and delta wing of John's R6, the ear-piercing shriek of Raber's 100,000 rpm SV, or the explicitly detailed bits on Alan's YZF.  But in a bar, a good fart will win anytime - so the prize goes to Alan!

Below are some of the spectacular images captured on that warm late-summer day.  Click the thumbnail to see the image full size, and please, enjoy the fun!

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